A Puritan Marriage in New England

The Puritans of New England opposed anything the Anglican Church revered, save Christ alone. It's no surprise, therefore, that they viewed marriage differently as well. 

In England, marriages were generally arranged by the parents, but in the colonies, young people were encouraged to choose their own courtships, carried out under the watchful eyes of their parents. The Puritan marriage contract was to be agreed to by both the young people and their parents. Parents could not, however, arbitrarily withhold such consent. If they did, the young people could apply to a magistrate to agree in the parents' place.

The practice of a "bundling board" for courting couples was commonly used. The suitor would spend the night with the young lady in her bed, a wooden board between them, to allow them time and privacy to talk and get to know each other, with her parents close by. It wasn't fool-proof and occasionally a hasty followed . . . to prevent an illegitimate birth.

In 17th Century Massachusetts, the average age of the groom was 26, the bride 23. It's unclear why they were older in Massachusetts than in the other colonies. At whatever age, marriage was the desired path for most people. Records show that 94% of women and 98% of men married.

In another break from England, the Puritans didn't see marriage as a religious institution, but a civic contract. Marriages were not "performed" by church clergy, they were "agreed" upon in front of a magistrate. As such, they were also open to divorce. The Puritans allowed divorce under certain conditions, like abandonment, adultery, failure to provide, and physical abuse. 

A typical wedding took place in the bride's home with her family and a few friends. The ceremony was very short, a single question asked of both bride and groom, to which they both answered yes. No rings were exchanged, no holy vows, this was a contract between two agreeable parties. After the ceremony, the family provided a modest meal for the guests and they sang a psalm. No dancing - of course!

Puritans in the 17th Century viewed marriage as a close and compassionate relationship designed to meet the physical and financial needs of both partners, a mutually beneficial union of harmony.




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Embattled Hearts will release in April 2017 as part of The Pony Express Romance Collection from Barbour - Colonial story coming in January 2018

Forbidden Love and Wedding Banns in Colonial America

The institution of marriage is as old as time itself. With it there are many customs and practices that have been observed. In Colonial America, the popular months for weddings were late December, January and early February. In order for a marriage to take place the couple would need to obtain a marriage license or publish their intent to wed by posting banns.

In 1628, an act in Virginia forbade marriages “without lycence or asking in church.” In 1632, the act stated that “noe mynister shall celebrate matrymony betweene any persons without a facultie or lycense graunted by the Governor except the banes of matrymony have beene first published three severall Sondayes or holidayes” in a church where the couple resided.

The Banns:

The banns of marriage is a proclamation of the intention of a couple to wed. The upcoming marriage would be announced verbally or posted prominently in a Christian church or meeting house on three consecutive Sundays or in a public place. If the bride and groom were from different parishes or towns, then the publication would be made known at both locations. The purpose was to give the community the opportunity to site any reason that would impede a legal union between the pair. In some instances, the third and final announcement would also suffice as an official proclamation that the couple was then married.

Example of Banns:

I publishe the Banns of Marriage between Robert Preston of New Haven and Priscilla Fuller of Milford. If any known cause or just impediment why these two persons should not be joined together in Holy Matrimony, ye are to declare it. This is the 1st time asking.

 

Impediments to Marriage: 
 
Note: Laws varied from colony to colony and during various time periods, but these are some general prohibitions.

Age of Consent - Between 1650 and 1750, most women married at about the age of 20-22, while men married at about 24-27 years of age. This was slightly younger in the South as it was in New England. However, it was not typically legal for a female to marriage prior to the age of 16 without her parent's consent. Parents could not arbitrarily withhold permission for their offspring to marry. In fact, some children sued their parents for doing so.

Kinship - Marriages that fell within the prohibited degrees of consanguinity (blood relations) were not allowed. However, first cousin marriage was permissible as well as marriage between brother and sister-in-laws. (First cousin marriage continued until the 19th century and although it is not widely socially acceptable in our current time, it is in most states legal.) 

Bigamy - Forbidden when one partner was already married. (The first divorce in the colonies was granted in 1639 on the grounds of bigamy, while in England divorce could only be obtained by an act of Parliament.) 

Indentured servants - The terms of a contract of indenture had to be complete before a person could marry.

Interracial Matrimony - Marriage between a white person and a black or Native American person was prohibited according to such laws instituted in Virginia in 1691. This would result in banishment from the colony. Naturally, there were exceptions, such as John Rolfe and Pocahontas. In Pennsylvania in 1726 a free black man marrying a white woman could be forced into slavery. (It wasn't until 1967 when the US Supreme Court overturned laws declaring it illegal for an interracial couple to marry.)

During my research of vital records I came across some marriages that were forbidden to take place, proving the effectiveness and wisdom of publishing the wedding banns.

On June 27, 1767 the banns of marriage were forbidden by Hannah York as she had not been asked or ever consented to be wed to Jeremiah Varell.

The nuptials of Anstrice Fellows and William Baker, sojourner, were posted on Sept. 3, 1837. Yet the banns were forbidden by a court of justice as William Baker had a wife living.

The Bonds:

Since the publishing of banns required three weeks, the more expedient method of getting married would be for the bridegroom to obtain a license in the bride's county of residence. This was very expensive and also required a bond to ensure that there was no impediment to the marriage. In order for a bond to be issued, a close relative or friend would go with the bridegroom to the clerk and essentially guarantee that the groom had no reason that would prevent him from legally marrying the bride. If this was later found to be untrue, the groom would be required to pay a penalty in the the amount of the bond (usually $500 or greater). A marriage bond was useful especially in frontier regions as the country expanded when it was not always possible for people to be familiar with the identity of the groom or bride. This was the precursor to "if anyone knows just cause that these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace."

Certification that banns have been published.

Pattern for Romance

Now on Audible (Listen to sample)

Honour Metcalf’s quilting needlework is admired by a wealthy customer of the Boston Mantua-maker for whom she works. In need of increasing her earnings, she agrees to create an elaborate white work bridal quilt for the dowager’s niece. A beautiful design emerges as she carefully stitches the intricate patterns and she begins to dream of fashioning a wedding quilt of her own.

New Englander Carla Olson Gade writes from her home amidst the rustic landscapes of Maine. With eight books in print, she enjoys bringing her tales to life with historically authentic settings and characters. An avid reader, amateur genealogist, photographer, and house plan hobbyist, Carla's great love (next to her family) is historical research. Though you might find her tromping around an abandoned homestead, an old fort, or interviewing a docent at an historical museum, it's easier to connect with her online at carlagade.com. 

Of Marriage

"It is a question, not easily answered, whether marriage was appointed by the Divine Parent, merely for the propagation of the human species, or for the education of children. Whether one or the other, or both were reasons of the institution, it certainly was appointed by God, honored by Jesus, and declared to be honorable unto all by St. Paul." Elder John Leland, The Virginia Chronicle 1790

"And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Genesis 2:23-24

Our Wedding, Feb 5, 1995 Chehalis, B.C.

This week, my husband (Dave) and I celebrate eighteen years of marriage. We met one year plus a day before our wedding. We both worked at Trinity Western University--both of us having graduated from Trinity a few years before. We were friends for four months, then dated for four months, then engaged for four months.

Just recently, Dave and I were musing about whether a marriage would be nullified in the eyes of God if the laws of the land hadn't been properly followed. When first married, I'd occasionally wake up from a dream where I had experienced the horrors of being improperly married. Such is the life of a person with a vivid imagination.

I am exceedingly grateful for the institution of marriage. What a horrible lonely life I would have but for my husband and my children. I feel for those who must raise their children on their own. How overwhelming a task it must seem.

For the most part, weddings are grand events in Canada, taking the larger portion of a day with celebrations often going into the wee hours of the night. Our wedding was quite simple by comparison, and we would have made it even more so if family didn't feel a full roast beef dinner with all the trimmings was not an absolute necessity. But I'm chasing a rabbit trail.

Weddings in Colonial times (in general) were much more simple affairs. In Virginia, before the Declaration of Independence, "the rites of matrimony" could be done two different ways.

1. A license was issued to the bridegroom from the clerk's office in the county of the bride. This cost the bridegroom about 20 shillings and 50 lbs of tobacco. The license was then delivered to the clergyman on the wedding day to 'solemnize' the rites. He'd be paid 20 shillings for the service.
2. The clergyman posted banns of marriage for the couple on three Sundays at the cost to the groom of eighteen pence and for the 'joining of the couples together' he received 5 shillings.

As you can imagine, the poor folk would take the second route to marriage.

Most weddings were solemnized by parish preachers (parishes being that of the Church of England). However, some Presbyterian ministers provided the service. If the marriage was done by license (route 1 above), the parish preacher took the 'solemnizing' fee even if the actual ceremony was done by a Presbyterian minister.

Our marriage process was not that much different from the 1700's.

Dave and I did not have a typical church wedding. We were married in the lodge at Pioneer Chehalis along the Chehalis River and nestled in the rugged mountains of British Columbia. A more beautiful setting there could not be. We had our pictures taken in the trees along the river. Having taught horsemanship clinics for several years at this location, I knew the weather would be perfect, and it was. (And no, the picture above is not done in a studio but onsite, just outside of the lodge where the ceremony was held.)

We had to apply for a marriage license as well, but I didn't need to be a resident of B.C. (although I was). Dave had to pay for it (probably around $100). The license is only valid for three months. Within that three months a marriage ceremony with two witnesses needs to be performed.

In B.C., you can choose from a civil or a religious ceremony. The minister performing a religious ceremony has to be registered with the government, just like in Virginia in the 1700's. The minister performing the ceremony completes the Marriage Registration Form and sends it to the agency where the marriage will be registered and the legal record kept.

"After the declaration of independence, in 1780, an act passed the general assembly to authorise as many as four ministers in each county, of each denomination, to solemnize the rights;" Elder John Leland, The Virginia Chronicle 1790

Dave and I were married by a Lutheran minister, and the wedding witnessed by many family and friends. For us, it didn't matter the denomination of the minister. He was a friend of Dave's and able to marry us and that was enough.

In Virginia, many couples could not have the minister of their choice before 1784. They were limited to the authorized ministers in their county. After 1784, any ordained minister could apply for a license to solemnize the marriage. The license was given to the preacher, and after the ceremony, he was to certify to the clerk that indeed the solemnization occurred. The groom paid five shillings to the preacher and fifteen pence to the clerk for registering the certificate.

What was our conclusion about the validity of a marriage not done according to the law of the land? God does tell us to obey the laws, so we should make every effort to abide by them. However, mistakes and misunderstandings do happen. I think the vow before God would stand. Perhaps a simple fixing of the mistake by making it legal according to the state law would give all peace of mind.

After eighteen years of marriage, the only thing I can remember about those days before knowing Dave is how lonely I was. He truly is my hero, because he took this less than adequate woman and made her his wife, providing me with a friendship that will last through eternity.

Much advice can be given for marriage, but one thing I know for sure, humility and grace before God and your spouse must prevail through the whimsical winds of love. And I hope my dear husband has found the money he spent to get a wife returned to him a hundredfold. I know I've been blessed beyond measure.

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 

While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear...

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

I Peter 3:1,2,7

Guest Post by Melanie Dobson - Moravian Colonial Marriages

Love Finds You in Nazareth, Pennsylvania cover

The journey back into the 1700s to write Love Finds You in Nazareth, Pennsylvania was a very personal one for me. For the first two decades of my life, you see, the history of my father’s side of the family (the Beroths) was a mystery to us. My father was a commercial pilot, and as he flew across the country, he scoured phone books for years during his layovers, looking for anyone with the last name of Beroth. It was a long time before he found a link to our heritage.

About twenty years ago, we discovered relatives in North Carolina. Our ancestors, we found out, had been a part of the Moravian Church after my great-grandparents (to the fifth) joined the Moravian Church more than two centuries ago. I knew very little of my heritage or this tradition, but I was intrigued. Who were the Moravians and why had my great-grandparents joined their church?

Years later I traveled to Bethlehem in Pennsylvania and then on to Nazareth, researching the story for this novel while I looked for information about my family. As I interviewed the curator at the historical society, she explained one of the unique marriage customs the Moravians honored in the 18^th-century—the custom of marrying by Lot. The Moravian elders would select a couple they thought should marry and then would present the potential wife’s name to the single man. If the man agreed with their choice, the elders put the decision before the lot—three pieces of paper (Ja. Nein. And a blank piece for wait) stuffed into a glass cylinder. They prayed and then drew an answer from the cylinder.

If the answer was no, the elders would select the name of another woman for the single man to marry, and they would continue the selection process until the papers concurred with their choice. Then the leaders would speak to the single woman about the marriage. Moravian women had the option to turn down the marriage, but they rarely did. In their minds, the lot determined God’s will for their life.

My mind spun as I listened to the curator, the plot for my novel developing. What would happen if the man in my novel wanted to marry a certain woman and the lot refused him? What if he had to marry a woman he didn’t love? And what if the woman he married loved him with her whole heart?

As I sat in the historical society in Bethlehem, researching this custom that seemed so strange to me, I stumbled upon an entry with the names of my great-grandparents, Johann Beroth and Catharina Neumann. The entry said they married by lot in Bethlehem on July 29, 1758.

My great-grandparents married by lot?

I had no idea.

My mind began racing. Did my great-grandparents know each other before they married? Did they love each other?  Were they excited to marry or did they dread their wedding day?

In her short memoir, my great-grandmother writes of counting the cost before joining the Moravians. She said she knew there would be hardships and yet she felt the draw of the Savior to join the Moravian people in Bethlehem. Even as her family sent a cart and men to carry her back home, she remained stalwart, “serene and satisfied” in her decision to join the congregation. But she never mentioned what it was like to be chosen to marry Johann by lot.

The Moravians continued to marry this way until 1818 when a devout Moravian man insisted on marrying a woman the lot denied him. He left the church to marry but later he and his wife rejoined. After that, marriages began to be arranged by families instead of by lot.

Many Moravian women wrote of their reluctance to marry when they received the call to wed by lot, and yet many of these same women later described the terrible grief over losing their husbands. It seems the love for a spouse blossomed within marriage instead of before.

Maria Reitzenbach initially wrote, “I must admit that I found it indescribably hard to take this step (of marriage)….Only the thought that it was my duty to do everything for the love of my dear Saviour who had forgiven me my sins and had taken me into a state of grace made me give myself up to this.”

But then she wrote, “I was made a widow by the calling home of my dear husband, after we had lived in marriage for twenty-two years happy and content and had shared joy and pain and had been a comfort and a cheer to each other. For this reason I felt his loss very painfully and no one could comfort me but the Friend to whom I had often told all my troubles and with whom I alone took refuge” (from the Moravian Women’s Memoirs, translated by Katharine Faull).

I’m still not certain exactly why my great-grandparents joined the Moravians. Perhaps it was because of the Moravian’s compassion toward the needy or their focus on mission work. Perhaps it was because they were escaping their families or maybe they wanted to be a part of group who was devout in their faith and service to God.

I also don’t know what my great-grandparents thought about the custom of marrying by lot, but I do know that they were married for almost six decades. I—along with my family—am grateful the lot brought Johann and Catharina together and that God helped them sustain this marriage for fifty-eight years.

I loved writing this novel based in part on what my great-grandparents might have felt in the first years of their marriage. Love Finds You in Nazareth, Pennsylvania is not a romance about an unmarried couple. It is a romance about a husband falling in love with his wife.

Melanie Dobson is the award-winning author of nine contemporary and historical novels including her most recent release, Love Finds You in Nazareth, Pennsylvania. She is currently working on a historical romance set on Mackinac Island, Michigan. When she’s not writing, Melanie loves exploring her home state of Oregon with her husband and two daughters. 

Melanie Dobson's website